April
28
I was talking to one of my friends who was excited about a date he was going on. It was a wonderful planned event and the guy seems great! We were talking about it and he said he was not hoping for anything so he was playing it by ear. I said that he is hot so he need not worry. He responded by saying, I am not hot. I am old, bald, gained weight, …
My friend was quick to fight my nice comment by what he saw as the truth or his insecure self saw as the truth. I know he truly believes what he said about himself but what he doesn’t know is so will the guy he goes on a date with.
No matter what my friend says to the date, deep down he believes those bad things about himself and they will show through. The date may not understand why but he will know how my friend feels about himself. It will just show in my friend’s actions, beliefs, and comments.
If my friend were to say to his date I am not hot, I am old, bald, gained weight, etc. The guy would run away. But when my friend says all the great things about himself, the date will only hear those bad words because that is what my friend truly believes about himself.
My friend is judging himself because then he won’t be disappointed or hurt if it doesn’t work out. My friend doesn’t want to see that age is only a number and maturity is so much better and that he has. He doesn’t want to see that losing your hair is a part of life and people really do not care if you do not care. He doesn’t want to see that he has gained weight which has only made him look healthy instead of the too thin he was before. He doesn’t want to see that he has beautiful blue eyes, a caring and loving heart of gold, a dazzling smile and a wicked sense of humor. It is easier for him to believe in the bad things than the good.
So I talked to my friend for awhile about his coming date and how he felt. Finally I asked him to tell me one great thing about himself. He responded, ” I have a big dick.” I said, “Well that is a start…”
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Marc
on 28 Apr 2009 at 2:19 pm #
That was an interesting piece about self-judgment and doubt. I did, however, particularly laugh out loud in my office at that last bit though … priceless. =)
Michael
on 28 Apr 2009 at 4:05 pm #
Marc,
I am glad it gave you a laugh.
We all need laugh out loud more often.
Pete
on 20 May 2009 at 3:08 pm #
I see that a lot in myself….I am the first to judge myself before anyone else can. But in my journey of self discovery, I have learned to give myself credit for all the good things. I am finally getting to a place were I can say that i’m a “catch” and that if someone can’t see past a superficial flaw that THEY have an issue with, why would I want to SETTLE for someone like that in the frst place? I am happy with myself and I want oto find someone to be happy right along with me. And yes, that last part caught me off guard and made me blush….LOL!