July
27
I have shared a lot about the small fears I have. I told you about my fear of flying, I have a fear of heights and I am scared of snakes and throwing up. This is are minor fears I can work on to overcome. Yes, they freak me out but I have been working on overcoming them and I have been proud of my progress.
I have never really shared my greatest fear. Maybe because it tends to make me the most vulnerable or maybe because it is truly something I fear without a doubt. Not many people know this fear as I really keep this to myself. Just recently I was thinking about it again and thought it was time to put it out there.
I have a great fear of being alone.
Now this fear isn’t just simply being alone, like single, a day by myself, etc. This is the fear that one day I will be all alone with no body in the world.
I am the baby of my family by 12 years. Growing up, I was always reminded of the fact that my parents were going to die. Kids loved to tease me about this because their parents were the ages of my siblings. I learned to accept this and found a very healthy relationship with losing loved ones early on.
As I continued to grow up and became an adult, I realized that being the baby means, if I am lucky, I will be the last of my family. That I will be there to watch them all leave and I will be left behind. I do not have any children and I do not see a future with kids for me. I do have Justin but what if he is not around either.
My fear is growing old alone. Being in old age home with no one to visit me. No one to share the holidays with and no one to know I exist. I am afraid I will need surgery and there will be no one there to hold my hand. I fear that people will see me just as a bother and I will feel I am only there taking up space.
How true is this fear? Well it could happen couldn’t it? But this counts if I do out live everyone. This also counts if I out live all my friends. This also counts if the people who are part of my life see me as a bother and ignore me. This also counts on the fact that I will not be able to find friends to create a new family.
Yes, this is a something I greatly fear but in the end, it might not even happen. I could simply be loved and supported just as I am now.
Fear plays with your doubt and lets you see what life might be like in the future or what might happen. It doesn’t always allow you to see that you have no need to worry because everything will be amazing.
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Steven B
on 27 Jul 2010 at 8:36 pm #
OMG – you hit the nail on the head with this one for me as well. That fear of being ALONE is very scary and sometimes very real. Thank you for putting this out there.
JM
on 29 Jul 2010 at 4:30 am #
I think with a personality like yours, you’ll never have to worry about being alone!
I can definitely understand the fear though and how scary it would be to be alone and elderly…
Becky
on 11 Aug 2010 at 12:08 pm #
Michael, I know I’ve joked about this before and how we’re going to live like the golden girls one day, but i have this very same fear. I’m a lot younger than my siblings and with my husband being a few years older, I too fear that I’ll be left in a nursing home in a rocking chair all alone. That’s why we should invest now and buy that house in Miami next door to a nice pediatrician so that Justin can wheel us around while we eat our cheesecake.
Michael
on 11 Aug 2010 at 8:11 pm #
Becky,
I agree. We need to plan this out so we will be all set and taken care of. That dog next door is not going to watch itself and think of all the shenanigans we will pull in our track suits, BUCKAROO!
Min
on 05 Sep 2010 at 8:32 am #
I’m the only child in my family. I can’t imagine myself being with kids, either.
I have three dogs. It doesn’t comfort me since it doesn’t change the fact that someday I’m gonna be all by myself. I never talk about this fear to people around me.
While I was reading your story, I felt somewhat relieved. I’m not the only person.
Every person is all alone in some way or other. I should admit… It’s sad.
Josh
on 21 Jan 2011 at 6:21 pm #
Im The Middle In My Family, Since I Left School All My Friends Seemed To Know What They Wanted To Study @ Colledge & Have Already Gone To Uni – This Put Me In Awkward Spot A I Didnt Know What I Really Wanted To Do , So I Was Made To Start Work , So Wisely I Picked What Used To Be A Social Workplace But Now Its All New Younger Staff I Dont Exactly Get Invited Out With These Lot, Since All My Age Group Friends Went To Uni They Have Hardly Kept In Contact Which Basicly Feels Like Ive Been Left Behind (Alone) , I Know Now What I Want To Do And Im Starting Colledge Soon, I Just Fear They Will All Be Of Younger Gen & Wont Want To Hang Out, I Cant See Im Doing Anything Wrong , Im Pretty Funny,kind, giving and always up to party i dont look old so what it is that makes me not fit in shall i say remians a mystery, my work ties me down so i am unable to go out much atm but bills need to be payed, im stuck in a hole & i cant see asking the few friends or family that i have now about any of this as they may think im sad to have such a small group of friends and might depend on them or they might not want to be friends anymore, i feel like im stuck in a hole and its only going to get deeper