June
10
Justin went away this weekend to visit his brother who was stationed in Florida for a few weeks. Justin came home Friday night, went to bed and left at 2am to head up to the Florida panhandle. He didn’t get back home until 11pm Sunday evening.
During this time alone I realized how much we do together. It was nice to have the downtime from him but at the same time I was missing him. He is not only my boyfriend but my best friend.
I have never met his brother and I did not go on the trip because his brother said he did not want to meet me, ever. Yes it was harsh but that is his reaction to knowing his brother is gay. Not everyone is open minded as they should be.
It is easy for me to say he is a jerk but I find it to be more than this. His brother is about 5′6″ and in the Navy. Being masculine is very important to the culture he is in right now. He works out all the time and insists on being bulked up. I wonder if he feels the way he does because he is picked on as being gay because of his height. I know that makes any sense but I never said closed minded straight guys were the smartest.
When Justin said good bye to his brother he leaned in for a hug but his brother said he doesn’t hug. Not even their dad and shook his hand instead.
His brother is quite lonely right now and I wonder if his brother is missing himself. Maybe he is struggling to keep of appearances because of where he works and deep down he would just like to be himself. Maybe he just needs a hug to break down those barriers. Regardless of what is underneath it all, I know his brother loves Justin a lot and there is more to the story than what he is saying.
Well Justin is back now and he brought me a Starbucks mug. (He always brings me a Starbucks mug from his travel or we get one on our trips. Easy souvenir that doesn’t take up a lot of space and is actually useable.) I told him he can’t leave again because I missed him. I also told him if he ever mentioned that I missed him to anyone else, I would have no choice but to kill him. 
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Bishop on 
pat on 
Larry on 
Michael on 
Cortez. on 
JM
on 10 Jun 2008 at 10:11 am #
What a sad story about how closeminded people can be because of their surroundings and environment. I am glad you are so understanding of the situation and allowed Justin to have that opportunity to see his brother. Hopefully time will heal some of those thought patterns he has as well. Have a great day!
Michael
on 10 Jun 2008 at 10:33 am #
JM
I hope the same. Only time will tell but I believe.
Brett
on 10 Jun 2008 at 2:19 pm #
I agree with JM, but the problem is that it will take time, alot of time. About a year ago I met a guy and we became awesome mates. Every time I would leave there, there would be that awkward two seconds when we think we should hug but then we pull into a handshake. I still see him often and we have talked about this hug situation. It is the environment that we have been brought up in. Both himself and I are both gay but cannot find it within ourselves to hug. We treat eachother like straight mates that do not hug, or show affection or have any faults. I understand where you are coming from and agree Michael but it is more difficult than you think.
Michael
on 10 Jun 2008 at 2:43 pm #
Brett
Thank you for sharing. It is hard fo rme to understand because I came from an italian family where all we do it hug. I have always been someone who would hug anyone. You put your arms out and I am there. So it is hard for me to truly understand never being there.
I so appreciate your sharing because helps me learn more and see it alittle more from your side. That is how I can understand more. Thanks again for sharing.
Maray
on 10 Jun 2008 at 10:09 pm #
Mike: First of all, thanks for sharing your story with us, and let me congratulate you for standing by your man and feel the way you feel for him. It is important to have somebody in your life, but if that person happens to be your best friend too, then you are really lucky.
If his brother did not hug him, you hug him twice!!!
Regards
Maray
Michael
on 11 Jun 2008 at 7:22 am #
Maray
Thanks for your kind words. You got to support the one you are with or why be with them? Right?
I know he would love the idea of extra hugs. 
GaryJ
on 11 Jun 2008 at 10:29 pm #
Michael,
The rejection of family is probably the most painful expereince a Gay person can endure.
My partner (Chuck) and I have been living together since 1983.
Our families rejected us at the beginning. Chuck’s family have never excepted him or us and have lived and died hating us.
My father died despising me, but my mother & sister came to understand us and except us.
The day my mother told Chuck and I that she loved us and we both were sons to her and would always love us was the most wonderful moments of our lives.
I wish families would understand, that denying love to another family member just because they are Gay not only hurts the Gay child but also themselves.
BTW: My mother passed away last September, we were their when she passed, her passing was (for the lack of better words) was gentle, peaceful almost saint like.
The pastor & my sister stated that was because she was at peace with God, herself and with ((ALL)) of her family. (Remind me to tell you about Mom chewing out religous zealots fot Gay bashing)
So I hope that Justin’s brother comes to realize that “family is family” and there’s just one Justin in his life and he should love and respect him for who he is and that you are a part of Justin’s life, you deserve the same.
Sorry for the long note, but over the past (49) years of my life Ive seen too many lives in pain or destroyed because macho or religious ignorance.
Love & peace to Justin and you.
Becky
on 17 Jun 2008 at 9:27 am #
Somehow I missed this article the first time around, so I’m just reading it now. I have a few random comments. First of all, you’re the probably the bravest/most understanding person I know. Secondly, why did you not call when he was gone? You’re always welcome to your contry retreat! And last of all….tell Justin he owes me a Starbuck’s mug or at least a magnet.
william
on 22 Jun 2008 at 6:56 pm #
I am out to everyone except family. Being spanish , its the whole macho thing, and why complicate life with family when you normally get along with everyone. How everyone deals with family members is a very personal thing, and they shouldnt be pushed into having every part of their own lives out there. BTW, i would love to have someone bring me a starbucks mug just for the hell of it.