A friend of mine was talking to me about her future. She was telling me all about her plans and what she wanted. Her husband seemed to pull her down sometimes though on reaching her goal. She would be so frustrated about it because she was planning on him.

 I asked her one questions, “Why does HE have to help you?”

 She never thought about it. In our culture, we are taught that people pair off into couples and you become a team and work together for your goals. Why do both parties have to work towards the same goal? Couldn’t you get there all on your own?

It is easy to work together on something because it makes it easier. Sometimes in a good way but sometimes in a codependent way. Sometimes our partner is a safety net to protect us from messing up. We can blame them if it doesn’t go right. We can blame them for lack of commitment. We can blame them….PERIOD.

My friend realized she was making these plans and insisting he come along as her person to blame from not achieving her goal. She never thought she could do it all on her own. She really doesn’t need his help, just his support. When she was able to see this, it freed her of frustration and allowed her to work on her goal depending on just herself.

When it all came down to it, she achieved the goal and finally bought the house she wanted. Her husband who had been saving money just the same but was not counted on, added extra funds for moving, security system, etc.

 She did it on her own and she is proud of what she did.

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