Forgetting Who You Are |

Do you ever forget who you are? I am not saying your name, or where you live but sometimes you get so caught up in living your life that you forget that some people see you as different.

Justin and I were walking in a shopping center to sit at a table to enjoy desserts we had just purchased. As we were walking past a huge table of young adult males at a restaurant on our way, a guy starts elbowing his friend and says, “Hey, Look. Two fags!”

I always try to make my mom proud by being friendly and always smiling. I am not afraid to talk to strangers and listen to their stories. I always treat people as people and try to get to know people’s names. I just feel I am a nice guy who just lives his life.

I forget sometimes that people judge me just on being gay and their judgement is negative. I didn’t say anything to the guys. I didn’t do anything to the guys but he still found it important to point out I was different from him in his view.

These situations always shock me when they happen. I never expect people to still act like this but it still happens. We are coming a long way but it is still just small steps.

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Daniel on 14 Jul 2008 at 8:10 am #

Thank you for this post. I find it amazing that some people do have to point out people’s differences. That’s what makes us unique, all of us, everyone; but they’re so enthralled by our differences that they won’t look for similarities, etc.

I am so blessed to have a plethora of friends, most of which are straight and very accepting… when I came out I had some close friends decide it wasn’t worth it to continue to ‘work’ on our friendship… but I was still always willing to be there when they needed someone… this speaks volumes not only to them but to everyone.

I have some family that even fall into the above category, I’m not even to most of my family, but one part of my family (who I used to be very close to) assumed I was gay and now wants nothing to do with me; my uncle is a pastor and has talked about “queers” from the pulpit while I was in the congregation… “I won’t have queers working in my church” etc…
but when I came out to my very Baptist Grandmother (she’s a unique one) she told that it’ll be hard but that I will have to hold myself to a higher standard than everyone else… she also said that this world would be a much better place if everyone did this.
She’s proud, not that I’m gay (she accepts it) but that I strive to live my life to be the best person possible… and to love, love, love… She is the greatest inspiration in my life… I will have to tell you about my whole ‘coming out to grandma’ experience another time (I have to have another cup of coffee for that)…

Oh I have to say this… I just got a puppy… she’s the cutest thing in the world… She has helped me so much already, it’s such a great feeling be greeted with all that love and positive energy… she can’t hate me, she can’t judge me… I think everyone should give it a try (if you’re committed)…

…again I’m always long-winded

-Daniel

Michael on 14 Jul 2008 at 8:15 am #

Daniel

You are not long winded. You are sharing a great story to help others relate. Thank you for sharing.

A pet can change your life. While I was out of breakout, I spend my time living alone. My friends started pushing me to get a pet. I thought it was silly but once I did. It was a great experience which improved my current life. They can really make a difference.

JM on 14 Jul 2008 at 8:45 am #

That is so sad that people are still like that in the world we live in given the progress in places like Massacusetts and California. I am glad you make the choice to be you every day and live your life out loud!

Michael on 14 Jul 2008 at 10:19 am #

Thank you for more kind words!

Michelle on 14 Jul 2008 at 11:19 am #

Rudeness=Insecurity

Thank you for sharing your story(s). Pets are wonderful. They are our greatest teachers… teachers of unconditional love… such a healing, transformative power.

Michael on 14 Jul 2008 at 11:26 am #

Michelle

It is so true. It is insecurity. It is hard to think of that when it happens but later you always remember it helps the situation.

Pat on 14 Jul 2008 at 7:30 pm #

Michael, It breaks my heart every time that you mention any of these unfortunate happenings in your life. I wish that I could change the minds and hearts of the uninformed, and insecure people in the world………but I can’t. I can tell you, that you are one of the nicest and strongest people that I have ever known. You don’t deserve what you often experience out there in this ole world of ours. However, you may just be the person who will bring about the change that is needed, so that ALL people will be accepted and loved. Keep up what you are doing, and change may come, one person at a time.

Michael on 14 Jul 2008 at 8:03 pm #

Pat,

This comments makes it all better. When people like you share your kind words and remind me why I do what I do, it keeps me inspired and motivated to always hold my head up high. I know the world is not fair but I know there are more people like you who support me and it makes all the difference.

Cr8zDrgn on 15 Jul 2008 at 7:46 am #

Hey Michael, thanks for your story, and it was funny because I went to a Family Reunion this weekend, and my family, great as they are, are very narrow minded. I had a good time seeing my family and little niece play with her cousin. But because my family is Southern Baptist, I can’t be myself around them. I have to hold back about my life. I have an older cousin who is also gay, and he’s so use to it as well, and always have to refer to his boyfriend as his “roommate” My mom is the worst because of her sly comments about my sexuality, and I over heard my uncle talking bad about gay people, I left feeling hallow because the people who you should be more of yourself should be your own family. Despite all of that, I no longer regret who I am, I just feel bad for those people who judge people by what they see. They are missing out. It is sad on how people view people because they are different or they don’t understand how 2 guys or 2 girls prefer the same sex over 1 guy and 1 girl.

Daniel you’re so blessed to have a Grandma who’s so accepting, many aren’t so lucky.
Michelle you’re so right “Rudeness=Insecurity” truer words have never been spoken
JM and Pat those are some of the most encouraging and kindness words
and Michael you are truly an amazing person. I feel my life has truly been more blessed since we became friends. You have such a great sprite and everyone who you know feels the same way as I do. Anyone who just sees Justin and you as nothing more than just “fags” than they are missing out on 2 of the greatest guys. Thanks Michael for being you ^_^

Bishop on 17 Jul 2008 at 4:08 am #

I just don’t know how you do it, Michael. I’ve seen you in some pretty tough and challenging situations and you somehow always manage to keep a smile on your face.
I’m much older than you (well …ok … maybe not THAT much older) but I have to admit, you handle situations like that so much better than I ever would - I can’t help it, its the German temper in me haha.
Next time I am in a situation like that, I’ll take a moment to remember your story and will hopefully be better prepared to not want to throttle the person.

Thanks once again!

Michael on 17 Jul 2008 at 10:05 am #

Bishop,

Thank you so much for your support. My smile is one think I have to hold on to at all times. So I use it as much as I can.