A friend of mine was talking to me about a friendship she has. She has put so much effort into making the friendship work but it is just not going anywhere. There are always excuses about why the friend can not make it to events or parties or she says she is coming and doesn’t show up. My friend really wants to keep being friends but just had to say enough is enough.

She finally told the friend how she felt and left the ball in her court to take the next step to build a friendship.  She asked me if I thought this was wrong of her. I told her I think it was the best thing you can do. Why should you be working so hard to maintain a relationship when the other party obviously doesn’t want to? By ending this relationship, you allowing yourself to put my effort into your other healthy friendships and probably make even healthier friendships down the road.  

Think about your life and the friendships you keep that are unhealthy for you. Are they worth all the damage they cause on you and your other relationships? Free yourself and open yourself up to more healthy relationships. You deserve it.

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The holiday season is in full swing and I head to my friend’s Becky and Fred’s for a great party. While there Suzanne and I joked about the new pop culture term “cougar”. Cougar is an older woman who dates are is interested in younger men. This got to be thinking about how we label things in life and how that affects our outlook. We are quick to understand things so we add labels to them which may or may not be right. Either way this labeling ends up really affected how we feel about other people or even ourselves. A cougar, before we came up with the term, would be considered pathetic for going after younger men and not being married and in a stable relationship. Now, we have a different outlook. Older woman who chose not to settle for just anyone and isn’t afraid to go after what they want. It is all how we look at it.

It happened with being a housewife. Housewives were never seen as cool and a lot of people looked down on them. In Sex and the City, Charlotte quit her job to stay home when she married Trey and the girls had a hard time with it. It wasn’t until television shows like Desperate Housewives and Real Life Housewives of Orange County that we started think being a housewife was cool. It took us seeing a different perspective to change how we felt about it.

I remember my friend West and I going out all the time and was tired of all the skinny boys talking about 6 packs. How hot 6 packs were and how they spend hours working on theirs. One night, after another boring conversation with strangers about 6 packs, West said, “Why would you want a 6 pack, when you can have a keg?” I loved it. Again it was all about how you looked at it.

Think about all the labels that you give yourself or others give you and see how you can change them from negative to positive. If you can’t, then just do not accept them. You do not need them in your life!

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What could you be doing in your life right now if you just took the first step? We are so scared sometimes of what people would think or say. We also allow our self doubt or fear keep us from moving forward. So many excuses at times to keep us from taking that step because we are afraid we may fail.

I can think of hundred different time I had great opportunities to do something great but didn’t take the first step. I think about when I was 19 and never had the courage to talk to Glassboy (barback) at Southern. I remember the great trip to Paris my friend Robert invited me to go on and I let the fear of flying keep me from going. I remember how many times I had the chance to say something to stand up for someone but I didn’t and remained silent so they wouldn’t turn on me. I remember how many times I chose to be negative in a situation instead of see the positive side. I remember how many times I let relationships grow apart because I didn’t want to put the work into them.

So I made the choice to learn from all these memories and learn to take the first step. Once you get moving forward there is nothing to stop you from creating great things!

Think of all the times in your life you didn’t take the first step and NOW think of all the times you will take that first step and start living your life out loud!

Remember, the first step is the only scary one.

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Feedback is a gift. It allows us to see who we are and how we can improve ourselves. I truly believe in feedback and think you should always ask for it when you really want it and are willing to make a change in your life.

I also believe feedback should always be positive because we learn best from what we do great and we are more open to suggestions when they are positive. Negative feedback closes us down, causes us to become defensive and never leads to positive changes.

With this said, why do others feel it important to give us negative feedback when we do not ask for it? Have you ever noticed that you can walk into a club in an outfit you love and you will notice people turning their heads to judge what you wear and give you facial expressions on their approval. Did you ask for their feedback? Do you deserve to be treated like that?

You allow people to treat you the way they do. You have to stand up for yourself and say, no I do not want your negative feedback. In time, you will learn not only to stand up for yourself BUT you will learn to not allow unwanted negative feedback to affect your life.

This is your life so why should you allow negative judgements into your life? You have a right to stand up for yourself and let people know how you want to be treated.

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Yes, I will be on the radio today. Can you believe it?

I will be on Gay Orlando Talk WPRK 91.5 FM from Noon until 1pm.  I will be talking about life coaching, the new group coaching I will be doing at the Center and about my book coming out in Spring 2008.

You can listen to me live if you are in Orlando from the radio OR anyone can listen to me live on their website WPRKDJ.org.

If you happen to miss the show, you can download the podcast later and I will post it on here.

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I hate mornings. I have never been a person who enjoys getting up and I always hit snooze a few times. I am so excited about the time change because it helps me wake up in the morning. Well for at least a few weeks…

That got me thinking of me and my relationship with my bed. I am not a morning person so I love to stay in bed as long as I can. When I get home, if I have no plans, I get undress and spend the night in bed watching TV or working on my laptop. On the weekend, I wake up in bed eat in bed and watch TV to be lazy. When I am sick, I stay in bed and watch TV and nap. When I am sad, I go to bed and take a nap.

I got to realize I spend a lot of time in bed. Why do I have a love affair with my bed? Maybe because it is comfortable, maybe because it is safe, maybe because I am just lazy.

So I decided it is time to get out of the bed. Yes this one step will start my life. You see if I get out of bed, I am forced to start living life then being lazy, safe and comfortable in bed. You have to take a risk and you have to get going. You start with the simple step and it builds onto more and more steps which lead you where you need to be.

You see getting out of bed allows me to be ready for life. Ready for opportunities, ready for fun and ready for life. So what could you do with your life if you just got out of bed?

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