People come and go in your life all the time. It is hard with work, home, families, education and just plain responsibilities to keep in touch with everyone. A lot of times we don’t expect it but we let people go. People who came into ourselves and made it better. People who influenced who were are today but just lost touch with.

Last night I had a dream about one of my past leaders, Kevin Beaver. He taught me a lot about leadership. I know I normally talk about all the bad experiences I had because they are funny and remind us how crazy people can be. But where did I learn the good leadership qualities? Kevin was one of those leaders who taught me well.

He was young and ambitious. He showed me that it was OK to lead with your head and heart. He was so thoughtful with what he did knowing the logical choices behind his actions. He was full of energy, like me, and wasn’t afraid to be funny or have fun at work. He taught me that you need to know your value and not be afraid to stand up for yourself because if you truly deserve it, you would get it.

He was not only my leader, mentor but he was my friend. He helped me become the leader I am today. He helped me to not doubt who I was but just be who I am.

This morning I thought it was sad that we lose touch. I like to keep positive and driven people around me. It is always nice to have a strong inner circle of people you trust who support each other. Well, it is 2008 so I decided it was time to be a Google detective and find Mr Beaver. Guess what? I did! I dropped him an email and it was no longer valid. I am not giving up yet.

I believe it is never too late to reconnect with someone you lost in your life. If they are truly meant to remain apart of it, you will find a way to come back together.

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I was working with a client in her office last month, when I looked around and noticed it was so boring.  I asked her why her office was so dull. She said she wanted to be promoted and this was how an office should look for that.

I didn’t need to ask by who’s rules she made this choice because I knew she was determining it by the company culture and year and years of old management rules. Well times have changed and to be a leader you have to be willing to change as well.

I asked her if she feels energized by her workplace. Do people feel enthused when they come to see her. She said yes, by her actions, but people tend to avoid her office. She even prefers not to be in it. So I made the bold request that she make her office fun!

 She was shocked at first and hesitated at the thought. It wasn’t until she started to really decorate her office did she see the results she received. People wanted to come to talk to her more. She was even getting more work done in her newly decorated office. People even mentioned that they didn’t know much about her until she started opening up this past week the same time she changed her office.

 The simple truth is an office doesn’t make a professional person, a professional person makes an office. It needs to represent who you are. You want people to get to know you, build relationships and have fun. We are so afraid to be who we are because it could keep us from getting a promotion BUT who we are is exactly what they want.

There are thousands of cookie cutter people who go along with the everyday who could be moved into boring positions. Organizations know you need to find leaders who are different, personable and willing to bring change to move your company along.

I want everyone to add one fun item to their office this week. Regardless of what your office looks like now, add one new fun item this week and see what happens…

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A friend of mine was talking to me about her current work situation where her new leader is requesting her to use the old Six Sigma process to evaluate their business processes. Regardless, if the plan works or not it is frustrating because the it is being forced upon her as the only solution to her department problems.

Instead of the leader working with her to develop the best effective approach, the leader decided this was it and doesn’t care if the results are not effective or the learning curve that it takes to learn this process.

Leaders sometimes forget that they do not know all the answers. They need to work their teams to figure out what is the most effective way to get the results required. Just because a system works for you or with another job doesn’t mean it will work with the new department.

Leadership is about people. It is about helping people achieve the greatest results not about dictating to them what your wishes are. That is the difference between a Boss and a leader.

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When I talk to people about leadership, I always tell them how important it is to recognize that leadership is all about relationships. Life is all about relationships.

As a leader or just a person, we want to make sure we are real. Being the real us allows life to be so much easier. We will then be surrounded by people who love us for us and we will do the same for them.

The important part of building relationships is getting to know people. I have friends who when I tell a story and mention a name they say, “I know Bob.” The reality is they met Bob once and all they KNOW about Bob is his name is Bob. That is not knowing someone. Just because you have their business card from a networking meeting doesn’t mean you know them. Just because you talked to them once at a party and haven’t seen or talked to them in months, doesn’t mean you know them.

My favorite story is one about a bad boss I had. He would come to my office for work and because he knew how important I felt relationship building was he would try to build one with me. Each time he would look at the picture on my desk and say, “Is that your cat?” I would say yes. He would then ask, “What is her name?” I would say Piper.

Every month when he would come visit he would sit down and start with, “Is that your cat?” This went on for at least 6 times before one day when he asked, “Is that your cat?” I responded and said, “No, it came with the frame.”

It was rude that he pretended to care when he didn’t. Some would say it is an effort he made, but if he was truly trying he would have at least remembered he has asked me about the picture before. My office was fulls of personal items so he could ask me about anyone of them but he always went for the closest item.

I want you to realize it is OK not to remember everything a person says. But be honest about it. I tell people all the time that I never forget a face but I am bad with names. I am honest with them. When I do not remember someone, I say I am sorry.

But, when I take the time to truly build a relationship with you, I listen. I pay attention and I care. I may not remember your cat’s name from the picture BUT I will remember that is important to you because you keep it on your desk and I will make the effort to learn what else is important to you as well.

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