Remember my story about my Kidney Woes? Kidney stones sized from the 4mm and smaller pass on their own. Mine was 2mm and it got stuck right outside my bladder. SO CLOSE!! Because it was not moving they have to do surgery.

I was scared to death.

I had panic attacks days before and was a nervous wreck the whole entire time. I did not know what do with myself. I was freaked and I just wanted to wish it all away. No matter how much I wished, it wasn’t going to happen. I was going to have to face it.

And I did!

How did I face it? I had to stop myself from thinking of all the worst things that could happen. I had to stop reading all the websites about my surgery. I also had to stop feeling bad about the whole situation.

I was scared and I had to admit it to myself. I also had to remember that I know tons of people in my life who faced scarier surgeries than mine but they all handled them and moved on with life. I realized my dad had to be scared to death when he was told he was having a triple bypass. He was in the hospital for a week but he did it. He made it through and moved on with life. I had to realize how scared my sister must have been facing breast cancer and all the fears that went through her mind but she went through it. She moved on with her life as well.

There are tons of children each year who deal with very frightening diseases and surgeries but they do it, with a smile, and move on with their lives.

I thought about all those people in my life who faced fear with their health and handled it, survived and moved on with their lives. I knew I was in all their thoughts and their love and support would help me through it. If they could do, so could I.

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So this past Friday I woke up in pain. It was a pain I have never felt before and I knew something was not right. I ended up at the local ER and found out I had a kidney stone. Yes a kidney stone. I was not so worried about the kidney stone, I was more worried about how to never have this happen again. 

I was home from the ER and feeling much better but I kept fearing the pain coming back. So I spent most of my day stressing that any movement, any pain, any sound was going to lead me back to pain. I was waiting for it to happen again. 

It reminded how I was living once again in fear. I didn’t go to bed on Thursday thinking I would wake up in pain from a kidney stone but it happened. I survived the experience but know I live with the fear of it returning. Why? 

Do I need to be prepared for what will happen? I know what this experience was like, I know how to handle it and I even have pain pills in case. BUT, I can not live my life waiting for the next “pain” moment to occur.

It would not be fair for me to live my life fearing the pain of life. I am going to get hurt, I am going to get disappointment, and I am going to get sad. It is just a part of life. The important part is how I handle it when it happens. That will determine the success of the situation. 

Of course there is a highlight of the story. While I was getting my vitals checked by a 20 year old Medical Assistant he say my Rollins College baseball cap on my head. He asked if I was a student there and I said I was. He asked how old I was and I said 30 and he said I thought you were much younger than that. 

That guy deserves a raise.

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Lately, my stomach has been bothering. When I stress, worry or have anxiety about anything it goes right to my stomach. PLUS I have a fear of throwing up so that adds to my stomach issues.

A long time ago, I had similar problems with my stomach. I was placed on meds to help settle it and it took a few weeks to heal. I am in the same boat right now. I am taking the meds the Dr gave me to help reduce my upset stomach and reduce the current pain.

I take my health for granted A LOT. Now that I am not feeling well I realize how important it is to take care of yourself so you do not get in this situation in the first place. That is why I am making a lot of changes in the health department. I want to make sure to stay well and feel great because being sick SUCKS!

It has been 2 weeks of feeling sick and it is draining to me. Last night I threw myself a pity party because I was so tired of feeling ill. Then I stopped myself and remembered I am quite lucky.

When my sister went through her mastectomy and chemo for her breast cancer I am sure she felt a lot worse than me and she made it through the months to years of recover. I am sure there were many days when she would have loved to feel better and just be over it. I am sure there were many days where she cried herself to sleep because she was so scared. But, I am also sure said told herself to suck it up because she was going to feel better soon and brighter days were ahead.

Well I am sucking it up and knowing I am going to feel like myself before I know it. It only takes time to heal. The most important part is to commit to my health and keep myself from being here again.

This means I need to stop neglecting the body I have and start taking care of it. I need to invest in myself.

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