August
10
I took my dad out for a little date. We planned to go see Salt and have lunch. I took him first to get a Cinnabon as a morning treat. The place was empty so we were able to walk right in and my dad chose to have a pecan cinnabon. They made it fresh for him as well as fresh coffee.
We sat down at a small table and began to devour our sticky goodness. I was more than half way through before I came up for air. I noticed I was tearing through mine but my dad had barely started on his.
I wondered, “Did he not like it?” “Was it not what he liked?” “Maybe I shouldn’t asked before taking him as a surprise?”
I noticed he would pick up his fork and knife, try to cut his roll, stop and put the fork and knife down and hold his hand under the table. He did this twice before I realized what was going on.
His hands hurt him from arthritis. It is hard for him to cut his food nonetheless with a cheap, bending, plastic fork and knife. I realized he would just sit there and never eat it because he wasn’t able to cut it and he didn’t want to ask for help.
I asked him if I could cut it for him and he said yes right away. I chopped it up and he finished the pecan roll before we headed into the movie.
It is hard when your hands do not work like they use to. It is harder to have to admit to yourself and others you need help. You do not want to be a bother. You do not want to feel old. You do not want to remind yourself you are unable to do a simple task you once did effortless. I am sure you wouldn’t want to let your baby son, who you took amazing care of, to now have to take care of you.
Getting older is the easy part, right? You really do not have a choice. It just comes with time. I think the hardest part to all of us through out life, no matter what age we are, is to ask for help.
I am no longer afraid to ask for help after this moment because I knew how I felt sitting there. I know there are tons of people, like me on that day, just waiting to help you if you ask or not. That is what love is all about.
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Joseph
on 10 Aug 2010 at 1:03 pm #
I have come to learn that asking for help is not a sign of weakness…nobody is perfect, and we always need help for something, but we are too proud of asking…or as you said, we don’t want to be a bother. Being a guy is even harder, because it is expected of you to be “a man”, meaning you can do everything. You can’t. And when you realize it, you have two choices: mope around and become grouchy, or step on your pride and ask for help. Like you said, there are a lot of people who are more than willing to help you – whether give you a hand in a project, offer a great advice or simply listen to you.
Michael
on 10 Aug 2010 at 2:23 pm #
Joseph,
Thank you for your views. I agree with you with a lot you have to say. It is so easy for us to get caught up in the thinking that we must do it ourselves. That is how is supposed to be.
We miss out on the opportunities to realize we are not alone. We can reach, in spite of our pride sometimes, and connect with others for help.
Steven B
on 10 Aug 2010 at 3:13 pm #
My mother is dealing with arthritis and with the onset of Parkinson’s and has lost much of her strength, particularly in her hands. I can relate to your story in every detail. Not only do we need to ask for help but we need to be willing to ask others if they would like some help whether it is a tourist in your city who is obviously lost, or a relative who needs some help with whatever. It is all about being aware and in your words “LIVING OUT LOUD”.
Thank you so much for being you. You continue to help in many ways you are not aware of.
Michael
on 10 Aug 2010 at 4:30 pm #
Steven B,
Thank you for sharing your experience with us and thank you so much for your kind words I appreciate.
It is about living life out loud isn’t it? We can not only help others in our lives but reach out to strangers as well.
I help others because I want strangers to help my parents or family when they need it as well. We all can give to each other.