September
28
Getting ready for my nephew’s wedding, Justin trimmed his hair. After his shower, he noticed some longer hairs on his head. He ran to grab the clippers and trimmed one area. The problem was the guard wasn’t on the clippers so this created one LONG bald patch of hair on the back of his head.
Justin was greatly embarrassed and panicked as the wedding was hours away and there was nothing he can do.
Justin was so worried about what others would say. I told him to tell them about it and laugh at it. It is a funny situation and there is nothing you can do but move on.
It wasn’t that easy for him. I saw it as one of the silly things that happen in life and it made me laugh. Justin just felt ugly and wanted to hide.
When people say things to you it is not what they say that upsets or hurts you, it is how true what they say is to you. Meaning how much you believe it to be true and even say it to yourself.
If a stranger walked up to me on the street and said, “You are a llama.” I would think they were weird and completely move on.
If a stranger walked up to me on the street and said, “You are losing your hair.” I would feel embarrassed and ashamed. Not because they made me feel that why because that is how I feel about it. I am embarrassed ashamed.
Justin believed he was ugly and so if anyone said anything about it, it made him feel ugly because that is what he told himself.
Think about all the names, words, titles, etc that are in your life. Notice how it is you who puts meaning and feelings into them.
It is up to you to decide if you want them to be negative feelings or positive ones.
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JM
on 28 Sep 2009 at 4:32 pm #
Michael,
What a great life lesson for him! I thank you for your wise words and insight! It’s important to have your own strong opinion of yourself so that other peoples’ comments don’t affect you!
JM
Brad
on 28 Sep 2009 at 8:33 pm #
I remember when I was a teenager and had a sever case of acne. I went to a dermatologist who prescribed Retin-A. Sadly it was not effective and I was very self conscious about it.
I would even take my mom’s cover-up to put on the open oozing pimples, simply to hide the open sores to escape embarrassment and name calling. It was a very difficult time in my life. I sure wish I had Michael’s point of view back then.
It would have been a much better time in my life, although, I think it would be a challenge to put those feelings away and take the power away from people who choose to make fun of someone’s differences. Perhaps we should learn not to use words that would affect someone’s self esteem in a negative way. Especially with things we cannot change.
I try to live my life much more aware of people, their circumstances, and feelings.
I think because of my disability I have to pay more attention to what is going on around me, because most people are in their own little world, not aware of their surroundings. It is amazing how many times I get bumped into for an example a woman knocked me over at baggage claim only worried about herself and her suitcase.
-Brad
Joseph
on 01 Oct 2009 at 12:32 pm #
it is amazing how much we put stock in what people think/say about us. were we lonely creatures that wouldn’t have mattered, but we are social beings and interactions like these will happen all the time. sometimes i take in what people say about me, sometimes not. of course there are things i’m more sensitive too, but i realized i’m my own worst enemy. and there’s a cool little trick – if you make fun of yourself, within reasonable limits of course, people can’t get ahead of you – this way you take the wind of their nasty sails.
Brad, i can totally relate to your problem. when i was a teenager i had acne as well. i tried everything that was on the market, nothing worked. i had a really rough time with my self esteem (it took me several good years to get it back) and was always worried people would judge me by my looks. The acne went away in time, but the inner wounds healed so much slower. My self-defense mechanism was my sense of humor – i was telling jokes all the time, people felt good around me, and eventually i didn’t care anymore.
Lately I’ve learned a precious lesson – if you don’t care about yourself and don’t love yourself, don’t expect others to do it for you. You project your inner world to the surface. how you feel, is how you act. And people notice….boy, do they ever.
So thank you Michael for stepping into our lives and teaching us these simply yet effective ways to be ourselves and be comfortable in our skins!
Kristin
on 04 Oct 2009 at 11:43 am #
Hi Michael,
This post got me thinking about the different ways I react depending on what someone is saying about me. I’ve been unconventional my whole life and in elementary and highschool this was very evident in how I dressed and did my hair. I was never ashamed to be different and I was happy with myself for staying true to who I was so when someone called me weird or a freak my answer was simply, “yes, and your point?”
In contrast, since high school I have put on weight and have never been too happy about it. I do find myself going up and down in how accepting or not I am about my body size and this directly correlates to how I respond to either being called fat by a stranger or by being unable to find clothes that fit. If I’m feeling fairly accepting of my size I get angry or frustrated or just brush it off, but if I’ve been feeling particularly unhappy about my weight a simple trip to the mall can bring me to tears when I can’t find any pants.
It can be hard not to beat ourselves up and when someone or something outside of ourselves reminds us of our perceived shortcomings we take it as validation of all the negative self talk we’ve been engaging in. But if we can find both humour and compassion for ourselves we can move through life with more confidence and lightness. The challenge of course is always in the doing, sometimes accepting ourselves can be the hardest task before us.