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Well, I broke.

I did an amazing job with my new South Beach diet. I was impressed with the results and was feeling pretty good about the process. It wasn’t so easy but I was making it through. I knew it was going to be good for me and I just needed to get use to it.

Justin went out of town and I was spending my weekend alone. I was so happy because I sticking with everything and starting my exercise program. All was well until Saturday night…

Saturday night I was home, talking to Justin and decided to rent a horror movie. It was late at night because it was a little creepy being home without Justin. (I am sure the horror movie did not help.) All of the sudden I wanted pizza.

Well not that I wanted pizza but that I NEEDED pizza. The thought was random, it popped into my head and it would not let go. It was near midnight and I had meals all day.

PIZZA, PIZZA, PIZZA, PIZZA!! Was all I was thinking about. I NEEDED PIZZA!!

I couldn’t take it anymore and ordered pizza. When the delivery guy came to the door, he mentioned he had seen me in a long time. (That is how often I ordered pizza.)

I drove into my 2 slices and it was heaven. Of course later, it did upset my stomach but it was worth it!!

I realized it wasn’t that I couldn’t handle this new diet, it was the restrictions. I need some freedom. I need to be able to enjoy some pizza once and awhile. I need to be able to taste carbs! I just need to do it less often.

I tend to be one of the people who pushes myself so hard that it because a punishment and finally I break free. This pizza was my breaking point. I learned it is more often to have healthy boundaries than to take it all away.

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I had gone food shopping earlier in the day but forgot 3 items and had to return to the store. I walked in with a young guy who had to be around 18. He looked to be in a hurry and seemed nervous. It reminded me about how I use to act back when I was in middle school and scared I would run into one of the bullies who tormented me.

I went quickly around the store, grabbed the 3 things I needed and happened to get into line behind the same kid. A woman with her young 1 year was behind me with her cart.

I noticed the young guy started to get nervous when he saw the cashier and tried to get out of line but noticed he was trapped by me, the woman with the cart and now 2 other people so he seemed to settle with the fact there was no where to run.

The line was moving quickly as we all had few items and none of us used the sticks to separate our items. As the woman in front of the young guy was paying for her sub, the cashier noticed him and said, “Oh look there is girly Jimmy shopping at Publix.”

Jimmy did not comment and the cashier rang up Jimmy’s 4 items. First the 2 packs of gum, then his Dr Pepper soda and then grabbed his last item the box of condoms.

The cashier picked them up and said, “Jimmy, are you buying these for your boyfriend?”

My face was flushed and I couldn’t believe this was going on right in front of me. It was like I was back in middle school and I wanted to run but something had changed, something with bubbling up in me and I opened my mouth and said (a little louder than I would have liked) “They’re my condoms!”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I am yelling at the cashier. No, I was yelling at a bully. Before I could think I felt something bubbling up again and I added,”I am buying them for my boyfriend. Do you have something to say about that?”

What had happened? What came over me? I do not know but I wasn’t going to allow this bully to pick on Jimmy. I wasn’t standing up for Jimmy. I was standing up for me. I was standing up as a gay man.

The cashier turned bright red and said, “I am sorry sir.” He wouldn’t look at me as he rang my now 4 items up and handed me my bag. As I paid and turned to the leave, the woman behind me with the 1 year old said, “Good for you!” and I left as the cashier’s manager approached to see what had happened.

When I got to the parking lot I saw Jimmy pacing back and forth in the front. He saw me and I said,”I am sorry about that. I hope I didn’t embarrass you. No one deserves to be treated like that.” I handed him the condoms and he said, “Thank you. I mean really thank you so much. You didn’t have to say anything but you did and that meant a lot” I replied, “Anytime.” and we both went on our ways.

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My dad was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. For his treatment he will receive 7 chemo treatments which started on Monday. I took him to his first treatment and did not know what to expect.

Everyone at the floor was very nice. (I would hope they would be extra nice because the patients need it.) We are taken back to a wing which is filled with with small rooms. Each with a lounge chair and a guest chair. My dad was sat down and they connected him to his treatment. He rested, watched TV and ate until we took him home. I am glad he handled it so well because I did not.

I put on my brave face when we arrived but I was scared. I thought it would feel like a nursery home in one of those horror movies. I expected to see people barely holding onto life walking the halls, moaning and reaching for me. Maybe this was just myself being dramatic (I would bet a 100% on that) but I did expect the environment to be completely different. It felt warm, it felt welcoming and the people there were not dying but fighting for life.

Most of the patients looked great and smiled as they spent their time there. Maybe because they knew this was helping them get better, maybe because they were happy to have something to help them fight the cancer, or maybe they are happy that this is only a period of time in their lives and they will move on from here.

Another fear I faced was that this could be my future. One day, like many others, I might need treatment as well. This is where I would go. Having to see what life might be like for you and face what it might even feel like to receive the news, I am sure doesn’t compare to the real thing. But, it shook me. It reminded me how blessed I am.

I also learned that just like all the people there and my dad, I would make it through. I would fight just the same.

It would have been easy to just avoid the whole experience but I would have missed out on the best part. Being support for someone. That is my greatest fear about this how situation. I would hate to face it alone.

I won’t allow anyone in my family or friends to do that and I know they wouldn’t let me. Being there, even scared, to hold my dad’s hand was a moment I would never allow my own fears to keep me from.

We all need someone to hold our hand.

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Yes I watch Glee and to be honest, I fast forward through most of the show to only watch the songs. I get bored with the teacher always making it about him and sometimes the side stories are random and get dropped by next week.

This week I wasn’t home to watch Glee and received texts from my friend Robert that I was missing a great episode. One even better than Rocky Horror. Since Robert and I are HUGE Rocky Horror fans, I need there had to be something special.

I woke up in the morning and began the episode. I watched it to find myself reminded of being bullied in school. How teachers pretended to care and how it just became something I got use to. I loved how they showed Kurt realizing that he wasn’t alone and meeting Blaine. When he sang Teenage Dream, it brought me back to being young and wishing I had an opportunity like that. When every one else was dating and I just stayed alone because dating boys was not an option. Nonetheless, them singing a song to you!

I was falling in love with Blaine. Or falling in love with the idea that there is more than just being picked on, not offered equal rights and dealing with drama. That being gay is something even more innocent as simply being in love. It is all about love.

The episode had a few moments that made me cry, made me scream with delight or shock and then left me with hope. Hope that things may not always be the way we would like them but there is always something better to keeping reaching for.

It really only takes courage.

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I am STARVING!!

I decided to be healthy and improve my eating habits. I mostly love carbs and fried food. I know it is not healthy for me. I thought it would be best for my health to change my eating habits. I LOVE cheese too!

Well the South Beach Diet it is. I figured it is close to where I live so how can it be wrong. Plus I high cholesterol so this will help me out there. It seems simple enough. Phase 1 for 2 weeks and then phase 2 until you reach your weight loss goals and than phase 3 for your life.

Well, I didn’t have any lofty goals to loss weight so I figured I would get through Phase 1 and phase 2 pretty quickly. Today is second week of phase 1 and I am willing to kill someone for a carb.

Honestly, last week was killer. I was ready to give up. It was such a struggle eating within the boundaries of the diet. As time went on, I was figuring it out. I also noticed slowly (and I mean VERY slowly) I was not craving all the foods I couldn’t have. I was able to feel full and really moved forward through the phase.

I feel better in general and seem to have a lot more energy, which wasn’t something I was lacking (so I thought), and I am taking strides in making my personal health a priority in my life.

So not too much longer I will graduate to phase 2. Wish me luck. I am hoping I get a trip to South Beach out of this whole experience.

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Yes I won!

For many months my friend Nick has pushed me on a regular basis to enter the trivia contest to see what we could win. I always believed because it was random, there was no way someone from Orlando would win an Orlando prize. I believed it wouldn’t ever be me.

Well…I was wrong.

It is a lot easier for me to think I would never win and not enter than to get excited and really think I have a chance to win to find I didn’t. By believing the odds are not in my favor, I am able to prepare myself for the disappointment.

Think about all the times I didn’t answer the question. Think about all the other opportunities I didn’t think I had a chance so did not even give it a try.

Sometimes, even though there odds are slim, I need to remind myself that someone has to win. And that someone might just be me.

Look! It does happen or should I say, it did happen and it will happen again.

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Another year of Halloween Horror Nights is over. This year I did not miss one day except for Halloween and the bonus day they threw in last minute. This time it wasn’t as hot until the last few days which were brutal.

I have to admit, this year wasn’t as good as the year before. I do not know if it was because I had so much fun last year that I expected this year to be AMAZING or if not having Rocky Horror Tribute show changed the feel of the event for me.

Nonetheless I made it work!

Robert was able to find one of the parts of the Rocky Horror set hidden in a scare zone. At least I got to touch it this year.

One of the nights I got my face painted to celebrate my birthday. Plus it was fun to walk around with full makeup and see people stare. Yes, this is what 32 look like.

The Director has always been my favorite HHN Icon so I made sure to get a picture with him.

Of course I had to get a picture with him. I call the Halloween Horror Night Situation.

It was a wonderful time with friends, scares and friend Oreos. I look forward to next year to do it again.

Happy Halloween Everyone!

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