Yes the holidays are here!! The holiday music is everywhere. My neighbors have their lights up already. My family is passing around lists on who is bringing what to eat. The holidays are here!

It is so easy to get out of control during this time so, here is how I survive the holidays.

1. Holiday cards – I know a lot of people who have HUGE lists of people they send cards to each year. I use to be one of those people. It became so much work to sit down and address all these cards and send them out. I started dreading even thinking about it and I knew it had to stop.

I now enjoy sending cards because I make a simple list of the people I want to wish a happy holidays to and send out cards. I only send out cards with people who I have spoken to or seen in person during the year. This has reduced all the cards I use to send to friends from the past, extended family, etc.

Do not get me wrong, if I get a card from someone, I will send one back but I do not require myself to send cards to everyone I ever met. (Friends from past jobs, family who I never liked, friends of friends, etc)

2. Holiday parties – Everyone decides they must throw a holiday party and I find they must throw it on the exact same day. There is a WHOLE year to host get togethers but all of the sudden everyone wants to cram them into one month.

I have a simple rule with handling holiday parties. First invite is accepted. I do not wait for better offers or weigh the options. And I only go to one party a day. I do not care if there are two parties HOURS apart. I will not do it because:

1. Something always happens and you end up late or feeling bad to leave one for the other.
2. I only have so much holiday cheer. How many times can you be excited over homemade eggnog or listen to your friend’s kids sing holiday songs?
3. I like a nap.

I accept the first invites and once booked, I am booked for the day.

3. Holiday gifts – This is the season to spend money. I would be shopping for weeks for gifts for all these people and we would exchange them and then forget a month later who got us what.

With my family we do not buy gifts except for kids. That is all. Makes it easy and simple. Sometimes you might bake cookies for everyone or get them something small but it is all up to you and not required.

With friends, most of my friends and I do not exchange gifts. We would rather have experiences together. So we plan an activity to do to celebrate the holidays. Might happen during Nov, Dec or not until the spring but we spend time together, instead of gifts, so we truly remember what we got and we get to keep the memories, photos and time together a lot longer.

4. Holiday decorating – I use to go all out to decorate for the season but I really do not enjoy it. You put it all up and then take it all down. Plus every year the stuff kept getting to be more and more and more…

My rule here is 2 boxes. I allow myself to have 2 boxes of decorations and that is all. If it doesn’t fit in 2 boxes, something has to go. If I want something new, something old has to go. This keeps me from buying way too much (which I am so guilty of) and keeps me only having special items which truly mean something to me. Less time to set up as well.

5. Holiday cheer – The holidays are supposed to be fun and magical but I would find myself exhausted and angry each year. I learned how important it was for me to check in with myself and reduce my own stress during these times. This is my HOLIDAYS too! I make sure I create time for myself during the holidays. My gift to myself.

Now, these are just a few of the things I do. Let me know some of the things you do to survive the holidays.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe!

1 Comment »

After Thanksgiving is a great time to reflect on what you are thankful for. We should be doing this all the time but hell this time is better than never, right?

This year, I am reflecting on the people in my life and what life lesson I am thankful for that I learned from them.

Justin – I learned to be loved. It is very easy to love others and be disappointed and hurt by them as well. I always was willing to give love openly and never withheld my love from anyone. But, I did protect myself from being loved. It was safer for me to give all I had but never let people in. I protected myself from the love of others. I learned it is great to give love but it is only complete when you open yourself up to be loved in return. Justin’s patience helped with this.

My Family:

Mom -I learned to love unconditionally. Justin opened me up to being loved but it was my mom who taught me to love. I learned that love requires you to be hurt by others but that is a small price in giving love. When you give love expecting nothing in return, you just are a better person. A free person. And when you love, for the sake of loving and not with rules, expectations, and the threat of taking it away someday, you make a difference. You make a difference in other people’s lives and you make a difference in your own.

Dad – I learned kindness. I really can not think of a time when my dad has said something unkind about someone else. He really thinks the best of people and if he doesn’t, he keeps it to himself. My dad is a tough man who can do about anything but he has a heart of gold which shows in the simple kind gestures he does each day. My dad is a true gentle man.

Donna – I learned courage. Being the oldest means you have to go first. First to get married, have kids, buy a house, etc. You have to lead the way and going first is not always easy. Donna made the hard choice of working with kids with cancer in her nursing career. She knew her passion and love but also knew the heartache she would have to endure but she had the courage to go after it. She was the first one in our family blood line to be diagnosed with cancer and faced the road ahead with courage. Courage doesn’t mean that you can not be scared, worried, want to give up and want to hide. Courage means in spite of it all, you move ahead during life’s journey maybe even with a little smile because you believe there truly is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Steve – I learned family is more than just blood. My brother in law has been in the family longer than I have. From the day I was born, he was part of this family. Even though he was not here from the beginning or he is not related by blood, he completes our family. Without him, something would be missing. Family is about the relationships you create with each other and love that keeps you together through the wonderful times and the tough times. Family is where the heart is. Family is your home.  He might be my brother in law by title but he is my brother in my heart.

Vicky – I learned to give. Vicky is always willing to lend a hand, help out or be there as support. It was Vicky who came in tears to check on at work after my first car accident. It was Vicky who showed up at the hospital in tears when I was rushed to the ER when I was bleeding out from my tonsil surgery. Vicky always gives but never expects to receive. What is funny is Vicky also wants for nothing as she gets almost all she wants in return. I learned that when you give, you receive. Not from the exact same person but in some other way. Maybe now, maybe later. It is all about karma. Giving just to give opens you up to receive.

Eric – I learned to forgive. My brother was the baby of the family for 12 years before I came along. Having such an age difference meant as a young child, I had to deal with a teenage Eric and a struggling young adult Eric. In these times, as a child, Eric hurt me a lot. Those childhood hurts followed me through me teen years and early adult years. Hurt caused in the past made me see my brother in a different light. It made me resentful for the hurt he caused me. It wasn’t until I learned to forgive those hurts from SO LONG AGO that I saw him for who he really is, my biggest fan. He adores me and is amazed at all I do. He is truly full of pride of my achievements and is only wanting for the next best thing I do. I missed out on seeing this early on because I was still hurting from when I was very young. Learning to forgive allowed me to enjoy our relationship more instead of missing out on what could have been.

Friends:

Becky – I learned to enjoy life. Becky gave me a present, the present. She pushed me into letting go of always living in the future and learning to do things now. To enjoy my life as it is and to keep on living it with plans as well. When I was sad still from the lost of my niece, it was Becky who did not let me wait until next year to see Grinchmas, we went anyway. We had a great time and I learned life moves on. I learned that to enjoy life, you have to create it in the here and now and not just hope for a better future of enjoyment.

Robert – I learned to be who I am. Robert is who he is. Take it or leave it type of guy. I was the guy who did whatever it took to make others happy. I wanted to impress people and Robert taught me they needed to impress me. Robert let me see how being who you are, flaws and all, people will still love you. The difference was I no longer had people around me who dragged me down or who I only simply tolerated in my life. Robert showed me that being who I was is enough. And if people did not like it, it is their loss.

Nick – I learned friendship. Nick and I do not live in the same city. We see each other, in person, maybe once a year. But we have been friends for MANY years. Why? Because of friendship. Nick let me see that being friends doesn’t mean you have to live in the same city. You can be friends with people through it all as long as you put work into it. Friends come and go because we let go. If you truly want someone in your life, you have to put effort into the relationship. Nick reminds me of this with his regular messages of “ignoring” which is my clue to pay attention.  Friendship requires an investment of time, interest, love, and support. Of course, funny videos help as well!

What are you thankful for?

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe!

5 Comments »

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe!

No Comments »

By now most people have seen his performance on AMA. I am not a huge Adam fan but I did see the performance and I enjoyed it. It was a boring show and he really did what his song was all about, he entertained us. I do not mind any shock or even a raunchy performance. I felt it matched his song well and he did a great job. It was FUN!

I was amazed by the press he got about his kiss with his straight keyboard player. All the comments were about his gay actions on stage but no one mentioned the girl who gave him a lap dance and he grabbed her crotch as well as the females on stage that also grabbed Adam’s crotch. The focus was on the anything gay he did.

I loved his response when asked what he thought if they had to edit it for the West Coast broadcast. He said:

“In a roundabout way it’s a form of discrimination because it is a double standard,” Lambert says. “They didn’t censor Britney and Madonna macking onstage did they? But yet two men kissing they’ll censor?”

Regardless what happens after this, I love the fact that not only was Adam willing to be who he was and do it his way but is not making an excuses and even taking a stand. Adam wants you to love him for who he is and not what the world wants him to be.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe!

6 Comments »

I took my mother to see Cabaret last week. Neither of us had ever seen the musical. During the show, Sally sings “Maybe This Time.” She is hoping this time she might win.

The song has the lyric…”Maybe this time, I’ll be lucky”

For those who know the show or haven’t seen it. Sally doesn’t get what she was singing about. Not because she couldn’t have it, but because she chooses not to have it.

Luck had nothing to do with her having the life she wanted. It was all about the choices she makes that determines the life she would have. Sure it was scary, hard, and not comfortable but she could have made the choice to go after it anyway but she doesn’t…

It is so easy to leave your life up to luck and fate. It takes you out of the driver seat and allows you to have “something” to blame for not getting what you want.

What would happen if you went after what you wanted? What if instead of hoping for luck to turn your way, you created your own luck?

Maybe this time…

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe!

2 Comments »

My Friend Bishop sent me this great story this week and I wanted to share it with all of you:

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ‘Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it.. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, mother?’

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

‘Which are you?’ she asked her daughter. ‘When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

You might want to send this message to those people who mean something to you; to those who have touched your life in one way or another; to those who make you smile when you really need it; to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down; to those whose friendship you appreciate; to those who are so meaningful in your life.

May we all be coffee!

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe!

1 Comment »

How can I possibly link these two topics? Just watch me!

This past weekend Justin and I purchased Mario Brothers for Wii. We figured it would be a fun game we could play together. It would be a a lot better than just watching TV. So we grabbed the game and a book to help us along the way and we were all set.

Justin and I do not always play games together well. Justin has a huge need to win and when he starts to lose, the pressure starts to get to him. I play any game to win but I am more excited about the challenge and understand that you can only do your best.

While we play Mario Brothers, Justin gets frustrated with the game. He starts yelling back at the game as if it is the game’s fault for his errors. “The game did not register his jump.” “The game is too hard.” The game is an asshole!”

I do not understand the last one myself so do not worry if you do not as well.

I play the game to have fun BUT I like to play fair. What I mean is, we work as a team. If you get a flower then the next flower should be mine. If I get the coins, I should allow you to get coins too. I really play to be fair because I do not like to hurt people’s feelings. Justin just plays who ever gets it first, gets it. Which frustrates me.

We are both having to learn to play this game for the first time and we are learning the problems with playing two players on the same screen in a Mario game. He can push me over the edge. I can kill him by throwing a turtle shell. Just all part of the learning but adds to more frustration.

As we play the game the first time, Justin is yelling at the screen. I am yelling at Justin for stealing the coins. He is yelling at me for yelling at him. I am yelling back at him for yelling at me for yelling at him.

You can tell this wasn’t going to end pretty…

We ended up quitting the game and just not playing anymore. Of course we bought this game to spend time together and have fun and we lost all that in our yelling caused from our frustration.

Justin suggested we talk about how we could make it work. We set up ground rules to help us play the game and work as a team. We learned each other’s needs and were able to set up a nice plan.

Last night we played the game again, and even though we had a VERY hard time through a level, we had fun and we worked as a team.

It really all comes down to communication right? You have to be willing to understand that if you take the time to talk it out, you can almost always work out a great plan…

or at least not kill each other…

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe!

8 Comments »

So what is Movemeber?

The idea for Movember was sparked in 2003 over a few beers in Melbourne, Australia.  The guys behind it joked about 80s fashion and decided it was time to bring the mustache back.  In order to justify their Mos (Australian slang for mustache), they used their new looks to raise money for prostate cancer research… never dreaming that facial hair would ultimately lead to a global movement that would get men talking about a taboo subject – their health.

A Mo Bro starts Movember – the month formerly known as November – clean shaven, and grows a mustache all month long, garnering support from friends and family in the form of donations.  What’s more, a Mo Bro is a walking billboard for the cause as his new look opens the door for him to talk about cancers affecting men – making the mustache a symbol, much like the pink ribbon is for breast cancer.

Since November 6th I have been going my mo. I have realized along the week that I have tons of facial hair to grow huge sideburns but not that much hair to grow a Mo. I am a trooper though and I am working it until the end of the month.

Spend the word about this great cause and join in. It is not too late! Also let’s hope puberty kicks in soon for me!

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe!

2 Comments »

A lot of time I catch myself saying the same things to myself over and over again. You know what I am talking about?

There are tons of things we tell ourselves which do not need to be said:

1. Because they are not true
2. Because they are negative or hurtful
3. Because they keep us trapped in our current state
4. Because it feeds our fears, self doubts or insecurities
5. Because I SAID SO!

What we tell ourselves could be fall in one of these areas or many, but they all have in common the fact that they are not good for us and do not help us move forward or have a positive perspective.

I am quite a positive person in life but I catch myself slipping in these phrases, to myself, every so often. So I am writing them down and committing to removing them from my group of habits.

You might relate to these and might want to consider stop saying them as well.

10 Things to Stop Saying:

1. You are too old for that
2. What would will people think or say?
3. No one would like that
4. I can’t do that
5. I will do that someday
6. I wish I was in better shape
7. People do not take me seriously
8. I am not worth it
9. He/She/They are talking (negatively) about me
10. I am in trouble/ or it is bad news

Now I am sure there are a few more I can add but these are what come to mind in the last week. What do you think would happen if I stopped saying these things? I guess I won’t know until I start…

What are you going to stop saying to yourself?

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe!

2 Comments »

For my birthday this year, Justin booked me a suite at the Walforf Astoria in Orlando. It is the very first Waldorf to be built outside of NYC.

Justin loves new hotels so he was so excited to get to stay there. I enjoy being the first to be in the room and to use everything in sight!

When I walked into the hotel, they made sure to learn my name. Even though the room was booked under Justin’s name, they still took the time to learn mine and to refer to me by name.

I could go through thousands of things they did that showed great customer service but learning my name was something that really impressed me. I know it impressed me because it made me feel like a person.

I didn’t realize how nice it is to be recognized by name. I go to a lot of the same stores and restaurants and even see the same people but they do not always know my name or care to learn it.

I wonder what it would be like if I did the reverse and I took the time to learn the names of servers, cashiers, Starbucks employees, etc. How would they feel when I take the time to refer to them by name?

I bet they would feel like a person. Someone who counts.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe!

2 Comments »