Getting ready for my nephew’s wedding, Justin trimmed his hair. After his shower, he noticed some longer hairs on his head. He ran to grab the clippers and trimmed one area. The problem was the guard wasn’t on the clippers so this created one LONG bald patch of hair on the back of his head.

Justin was greatly embarrassed and panicked as the wedding was hours away and there was nothing he can do.

Justin was so worried about what others would say. I told him to tell them about it and laugh at it. It is a funny situation and there is nothing you can do but move on.

It wasn’t that easy for him. I saw it as one of the silly things that happen in life and it made me laugh. Justin just felt ugly and wanted to hide.

When people say things to you it is not what they say that upsets or hurts you, it is how true what they say is to you. Meaning how much you believe it to be true and even say it to yourself.

If a stranger walked up to me on the street and said, “You are a llama.” I would think they were weird and completely move on.

If a stranger walked up to me on the street and said, “You are losing your hair.” I would feel  embarrassed and ashamed. Not because they made me feel that why because that is how I feel about it. I am embarrassed ashamed.

Justin believed he was ugly and so if anyone said anything about it, it made him feel ugly because that is what he told himself.

Think about all the names, words, titles, etc that are in your life. Notice how it is you who puts meaning and feelings into them.

It is up to you to decide if you want them to be negative feelings or positive ones.

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My friend Brandon posted this great post about What do you really want?

At the end of his post he challenges us to create a list of 100 dreams. This allows us to just know what we want in life. Yes, we all have dreams but we rarely write them down. By simply writing them down, you are one step closer to achieving them.

It is not about judging them or editing them. Just sit down and write until you get to 100. You will be so surprised at what you see and learn about yourself and the life you want to live.

Plus, as Brandon says, “Just see what happens…”

I took him up on his challenge and here is my 100 dreams:

1. Publish a memoir of funny life stories
2. Laugh more
3. Be financially secure
4. Go to New York
5. Live without regrets
6. Learn another language
7. Work from home
8. Work less
9. Have a house cleaning service
10. Enjoy the little things more
11. Spend more quality time with my friends
12. Remember to love more
13. Go on a cruise
14. Live without fear
15. Learn to relax more
16. Swim with Beluga Whales
17. Practice Yoga
18. Get certified in Laughter Yoga
19. Make a difference
20. Make the most of the time with my parents
21. Give back to my local city
22. Forgive all from my past
23. Be a guest on a talk show
24. Be debt free Continue Reading »

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You have been reading my blog for awhile now or maybe you are new to my blog (Welcome!) You can read about all the different struggles I have with creating my life and my tips and actions to help you along the way.

There comes a time when you have to stop reading about it and start doing it. This is your time to start doing it!

You ready to start creating your life?

Here is step 1:

Activity: Life Plan

I know it sounds scary to think I am going to ask you to create a life plan but I promise it is not scary at all. Really it is a lot of fun and will get you fired up to move further than step 1.

Right now you have dreams which are basically thoughts in your head. They change from time to time and they are changed by other’s influences. I want you to finally move all those dreams out of your head and on to paper. I want you to start setting the intention to begin reinventing yourself and creating the life you want.

I do not want you to limit yourself. I want you to dream BIG! I want you to make choices from the heart and I want you….wait for it…to be honest with yourself. Promise me you will also laugh while you do it and enjoy the time you spend on this activity knowing you are creating a map for your journey.

This activity will create a map for you to keep you focused and moving forward in life. It is not a destination or a location. It is a simple map to help you along the way. You may take detours, you may get lost, you may find a better ways but that is all part of the journey. This is the map you created for you.

Here we go:

I want you to answer these 20 questions. I want you to answer them as if you are already living your dream life. I want you to think as big as you can. I want you to really create the life that would make you happier. No judgments, no regrets. Answer these questions as if you are living that life RIGHT NOW.

1. Where do you live? Location? What is your home like?
2. Who are the people in your life? Describe them.
3. Who are your best friends? What has kept you friends for so long?
4. What do you daily that makes your life happier each day?
5. What do you look like? How are you dressed?
6. Tell me about your career. What do you do?
7. Where do you work? What is the environment like?
8. What do you love about your career?
9. How much money are you making?
10. What do you spend money on?
11. What achievements have you made?
12. How do you spend your free time?
13. How do you view yourself?
14. How do your friends and family view you?
15. What adventures have you been on?
16. What fears have you conquered?
17. Describe 5 things that make this life great?
18. How are your emotional needs met?
19. How are you giving back to your friends and family, community, etc?
20. How do you feel about this life?

This is your start. There are tons of more questions I could ask. There are tons of questions and answers that will come up for you during the process. Have fun with it and work on creating your life plan.

Once you are done, you can do what you want with it.

• Keep it in a notebook.
• Create goals from it.
• Create a vision board from it.
• Just feel good you have a focus on where you are headed.

Now, what are you waiting for?

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Last night I had the great honor of being a guest on POZIAM Radio. I was interviewed on my coaching and my work with the HIV+ community.

Here is the link to listen to the interview: Listen Here!

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Justin was sick this week. He wasn’t feeling well on Monday and came home from work. He then stayed home for 2 more days.

I couldn’t stand it!

He wasn’t that sick and I did not understand why he was staying home. I know I would have gone to work in much worse health and sucked it up and suffered through. Also he was planning to take days off for my birthday and now would he even have the time? I mean, he was off for some days already so why would he take more days off so soon. That would be crazy!

PLUS, he will be taking time in January to be with his mom and he might need time off when our friend Brittney is in town the same month. I just do not understand how he can take off so much time and still be a responsible worker.

Of course we all know this is not an issue with Justin. This is really an issue with me. An issue about jealousy.

I am jealous when he is sick he really takes time to call out and recover. He puts himself first and allows himself the time to heal. When he calls out, he doesn’t feel guilty or worries about work. He really just spends his time feeling better.

Justin also takes more time off to take care of things in his life and spend time with friends and family. He takes more vacations than I do. When he seems to get time off at work, he uses it within a short time.

I, on the other hand, feel bad when I take time off. I work through being sick. I rarely take vacations or time off for friends and family. Even when I do, I feel guilty and make promises to myself that I will make sure I am not out for at least 60 or more days until next time I am off. I check and respond to emails and calls. I will even show up at meetings even though it is my scheduled time off.

This is just another example how I am not present in my life. That I am not taking the time to put me first. I am meeting the needs of others (businesses, employers, etc) before I even check to see if my needs are met.

I know many of my friends who live like Justin and have great lives. I know many people who live like I do and they seem to be missing something like me.

We are missing our needs. We are missing putting ourselves first.

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Powerful question:

What is one thing you would do if you:

• weren’t scared?
• weren’t worried what people would think?
• weren’t self doubting?
• weren’t thinking too much about the what ifs?
• weren’t afraid to fail?
• weren’t expecting it not to work out?
• weren’t making excuses?
• weren’t waiting for it to be perfect?
• weren’t afraid of risks?
• weren’t nervous of the outcome?
• weren’t regretful of the past?
• weren’t expecting someone else to do it?
• weren’t afraid of breaking the rules?
• weren’t too busy?
• weren’t listening to others instead?
• weren’t hoping it would change itself?
• weren’t living in the past?
• weren’t holding yourself back?
• weren’t waiting for your turn?
• weren’t waiting for tomorrow?

Tell me, what would you do?

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Why can’t we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together?  I guess that wouldn’t work.  Someone would leave.  Someone always leaves.  Then we would have to say good-bye.  I hate good-byes.  I know what I need.  I need more hellos.  ~Charles M. Schulz

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I know! The king of goal setting is giving up. But why is the important part.

First, let me say there is nothing wrong with setting goals. We all have goals we want to achieve and it is good to set up reminders to keep us on track. They do help us to move forward and create the lives we want.

The problem I have is I set too many goals.

When did too many goals become a problem? It became a problem when I stopped living for today and instead for the future. You see, all my goals create a better future but they do not create a better present. I am not really doing anything but working on a dream far away that hopefully one day I will reach…

The next problem is I will never reach that day…

Every time I achieve a goal, or lately, get close to the goal I set a new one. This isn’t usually a new goal as a new direction but some goal to set me to reach higher. For example, if I make so much money a year I am set. When I make that amount, I decide it would be better if I made more.

I know. You all think I am crazy! You think what is wrong for wanting more? I agree. There is nothing wrong with wanting more as long as it is not at the price of losing today.

When I look at my days they are focused and driven on meeting goals. I spend all the time looking at them, thinking about them and moving towards them. But where is the fun NOW? Where is the joy NOW? Where is the payoff NOW?

I am wasting my days trying to get somewhere that is far away and who knows if I will be happier there.

Now as I said, I am a goal setter and an overachiever. I am not giving up the practice of goal setting because it is effective and it works well. What I am giving up is the idea of setting goals to improve the future, instead I am setting goals to improve the present.

By improving the present, I am moving myself forward. I am achieving more and I am creating a better life NOW! As I do this, it is still helping me to create a better future.

What is the big difference?

The big difference is my goals no longer promise a chance of joy later. They will create joy TODAY!

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A lot of people will use Twitter to record their whole day. I never really understood why but I thought I would give it a chance. So for one day I tweeted updates on what I was doing.

I  learned that I forget a lot about my days. When I did this, I was able to remember my day with more details than most of of my days. Maybe because I took the time to self reflect on it. Maybe because I knew I was doing this so I went out and really enjoyed my day.

I also left off events or activities that were boring or not important. Such as the little argument Justin and I had.

This really allowed me to see that I should be asking myself, Is this really important?

Think about how you stress or worry about so many things but in the end, they really are not that important to your day as they do not make it fun, happy or interesting.

Here is my Twitter Day:

Good morning!! Today is Twitter day so get ready for the updates, pics and videos! 6:41 AM Sep 5th

Off for the day!! http://twitpic.com/gk5ij7:54 AM Sep 5th

As we drive to breakfast we pass through the milk district where Justin sings his song about it. http://twitpic.com/gk6un8:10 AM Sep 5th

Breakfast arrives at Bikes, Beans and Bordeaux. So does a very loud lesbian couple. LOUD!! http://twitpic.com/gk8jw8:28 AM Sep 5th

Bought a pair of sunglasses and now headed to see Final Destination in 3D!9:45 AM Sep 5th

After the movie, a woman, who told me about her divorce and starting over, grabbed me to thank me for listening. Welcome to being a coach.11:46 AM Sep 5th

Justin having it his way at the Whopper Bar at Universal City Walk http://twitpic.com/gl2r912:11 PM Sep 5th

Video of the new rollercoaster at Universal http://twitvid.com/FD83E1:03 PM Sep 5th

I got my frequent fear pass for Halloween Horror Nights!! So excited!! http://twitpic.com/glcq61:09 PM Sep 5th

Watching P.S. I Love You again and it is still making me cry…2:22 PM Sep 5th

Justin just showed me Little Mermaid and Halloweentown in Kingdom Hearts game and now I think I will take a nap before we plan our evening.4:31 PM Sep 5th

Why is it such sad event when you check the mail and realize Netflix hasn’t come this time? Maybe just in my world.4:48 PM Sep 5th

Justin made me a peanut butter cup cookie sundae and now we are watching a cheesy horror movie called “The Burrowers”7:36 PM Sep 5th

The older I get, the more and more my body cracks. I need yoga in my life!8:19 PM Sep 5th

Golden Girls marathon is the best way to end this day.9:14 PM Sep 5th

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*

Yes, I am Michael Moniz and I am losing my hair.

I knew growing up as a child I had a very slim chance of keeping my hair. My father lost a lot of his hair very early in life. My mom’s dad was bald early on as well.

As my brother grew up, (he is 12 years older than me) I was able to see the pattern which would repeat in my life.

Even though I knew this would happen. I lived my life as if that day would never come. It wasn’t until I started to receive comments about my hair that I really started to pay attention and worry…

I am not going to lie. I spent a lot of money in the beginning trying to keep my hair. Rogaine, Nioxin, other kits, etc.  In the end, I was over the work and all the steps which seemed pointless as I watched more and more hairs jump off my head into the shower drain…

I finally realized how silly I was. A friend told me, “Michael, you were never known for your hair. Your smile is what people remember and that has not changed.” I agreed with this statement and laughed about how I was. I had truly accepted the fact I was losing my hair and moved on…

…so I thought…

I realized I would look at many guys I would see around town. Seeing what their hair looked like, how they handled losing it and being jealous of those who still had it.

When I would get my hair cut and the mirror would show the back of my head, I would always be shocked by what I saw and almost immediately feel myself draining of my energy. I never thought it would be so hard to let go of my hair.

Is this really that important to me?

I would love to write and say I am over it. I have accepted it and I am moving on but that is not the case. I am still dealing with it. I am dealing with the fact that I am losing my hair. It is not a secret and I do need to accept it and move on.

This will not happen over night but through a process. I am getting better. Sharing how I feel about it with all of you is a huge step forward.

I went to Starbucks the other day and the cashier said to me in conversation, “I would think you were 24 if it wasn’t that you were losing your hair.”

Even though he mentioned I was losing my hair, I started thinking “I look 24. How cool is that?

That’s what I call growth!

*More growth is the challenge Nick gave me to post a picture. There you go!

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