During the diversity training this week the question was asked of us, “Why is it easier to come up with stereotypes and negative descriptions of people instead of positive ones?”
So I thought about it…
We are taught in grade school that when someone is different we need to label it. Remember all those fun worksheets you did while your 23 year old teacher was hung over from the night before? You would always have to compare pictures and find the one that was different and mark it.
This skill came in handy because later we were able to apply this to other kids in class. We learned to point out the slow ones, fat ones, taller ones, shorter ones, and the gay ones. We knew we needed to jump in and agree with the label or we would be marked different as well.
I remember in middle school the exact day where my friends, whom I had been friends with since I was 7, decided it was time to turn on me as well. It was easier for them to start calling me a fag with everyone else instead of standing up for me. Standing up for the friend who had welcomed each of them in when they were the new kid in school. It was just easier for them to fit in and not be labeled themselves. I forgive them.
Then we enter college where once again we are grouped into different labels. Our minds may be more open to what is political correct but we are placed into groups based on major, Greek affiliation, honors, band, sports, etc. We learn once again to label each other. We are graded by a professor who always reminds us what we can do not do right and lose points based on those weaknesses.
When we graduate and move into the working world we once again deal with labels. Some have college degrees while some do not. Some are administration while others are management. Management is broken down into ranking order, supervisor, assistant manager, manager, associate director, director, vice president, etc.
We receive performance appraisals which tell is what we do wrong and we receive lower scores based on, once again, our weaknesses.
Don’t forget dating. We never look at a date as what great things they do. You never break up with someone for too many great things. We look at the stuff we do not like and make decisions based on that.
Why is it easier for us to pick out the negatives about people? Because we have been taught to do it all our lives and have the behavior reinforced all the time. We are taught to build ourselves up by putting others down.
In school, if you pick on people who are different, they won’t pick on you. In college, if you join the right groups, you will be more liked. In work, if you are promoted to be a leader you need to show others their mistakes and your authority so not to lose your job.
Why don’t we learn to build ourselves up? Why do we need others to validate who we are? You need to build a strong self image on your own and allow other’s compliments be the extra part of life.
A great analogy is this, build yourself the best cake ever and let everything else be the icing and the sprinkles. If your cake is great, you are set for life! If your cake is bad but it is loaded with icing, sprinkles and Little Mermaid decorations, it is still a bad cake with a lot of sugary crap on it.
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